Black and White
It was just because of them and them alone. A selfish person otherwise, she had been silent on the issue gaining zilch for herself, perhaps entailing loss only.
She would have only felt light by unburdening herself of all her reasons. But she was muted only salvaging something that didn’t belong to her, that thing which could have potentially otherwise turned acrid.
She had been at the receiving end of so much of sarcasm and blame gaming of not having considered the prospect which was placed before her. She couldn’t; for what reasons she has failed to underpin and present.
Her presentation was accentuated, her intentions were interred. Her ‘can’t ‘was mistaken for ‘her won’t’…and her categorical silence was misapprehended for her arrogance and high handedness; but then that was nothing new for her. That has become a part of her since long. Introvert in some aspects, she had beefed herself up, like the way a state prepares itself for tornadoes, hurricanes, tsunamis and the likes. All she had to do was to swallow it down her throat like a bitter pill, like she had always had. And she had done it this time too.
Her unburdening would have left some things in a tough spot and made it uglier than they had already become. If only she would have spoken it out, she could have come out clean, without scathing herself at all; but then her piercing conscience would have screamed out to her in repugnance for committing another kind of blasphemy. Because it would have been ‘wrong’, this other kind of blasphemy she did not commit. Yet again, ironically his last sentence to her was “………you wronged me”.
Not that she had expected much out of this caustic situation, yet his last sentence had chagrined her. ‘You wronged me’…how? She had never kept anybody in a limbo; she had been candid in all her reasons and in all her answers. One place definitely she kept quiet; not because she wanted to be purportedly clandestine on this, deriving some sadistic pleasure out of it, but any knowledge on it would have ruined something she thought was worth preserving. Sometimes, the nugatory better is kept in dark, for the fear of darkness it threatens to cast on the substantial. Yes, who amongst you said ‘it’s so trivial’?
“When one wave grows into a toppling acre…..” and you don’t even realize it.
Well, that’s how she had considered this. Perhaps, that’s where she erred. Anyway, her being considerate had always proved to be expensive to her, she didn’t mind that much.
But again, the question that kept lurking somewhere was...Was it wrong? Is hiding some fact so detrimental to your intentions? When the intentions, for the first time ever, thought only of others? Why does a problem in hand blur the larger picture at a distance? Is not a small lie sometimes more worthy than the biggest truth? Why is my interpretation of ‘wrong’ so different from yours?
Maybe nothing is totally wrong, nothing is totally right. Nothing is totally black and nothing is totally white. It’s all in shades of grey.
But why was her grey perennially eclipsed in an umbra?