Black and White

It was just because of them and them alone. A selfish person otherwise, she had been silent on the issue gaining zilch for herself, perhaps entailing loss only.
She would have only felt light by unburdening herself of all her reasons. But she was muted only salvaging something that didn’t belong to her, that thing which could have potentially otherwise turned acrid. 
She had been at the receiving end of so much of sarcasm and blame gaming of not having considered the prospect which was placed before her. She couldn’t; for what reasons she has failed to underpin and present.
Her presentation was accentuated, her intentions were interred. Her ‘can’t ‘was mistaken for ‘her won’t’…and her categorical silence was misapprehended for her arrogance and high handedness; but then that was nothing new for her. That has become a part of her since long. Introvert in some aspects, she had beefed herself up, like the way a state prepares itself for tornadoes, hurricanes, tsunamis and the likes. All she had to do was to swallow it down her throat like a bitter pill, like she had always had. And she had done it this time too.
Her unburdening would have left some things in a tough spot and made it uglier than they had already become. If only she would have spoken it out, she could have come out clean, without scathing herself at all; but then her piercing conscience would have screamed out to her in repugnance for committing another kind of blasphemy. Because it would have been ‘wrong’, this other kind of blasphemy she did not commit. Yet again, ironically his last sentence to her was “………you wronged me”.
Not that she had expected much out of this caustic situation, yet his last sentence had chagrined her. ‘You wronged me’…how? She had never kept anybody in a limbo; she had been candid in all her reasons and in all her answers.  One place definitely she kept quiet; not because she wanted to be purportedly clandestine on this, deriving some sadistic pleasure out of it, but any knowledge on it would have ruined something she thought was worth preserving. Sometimes, the nugatory better is kept in dark, for the fear of darkness it threatens to cast on the substantial. Yes, who amongst you said ‘it’s so trivial’?
When one wave grows into a toppling acre…..” and you don’t even realize it.
Well, that’s how she had considered this. Perhaps, that’s where she erred. Anyway, her being considerate had always proved to be expensive to her, she didn’t mind that much.
But again, the question that kept lurking somewhere was...Was it wrong? Is hiding some fact so detrimental to your intentions? When the intentions, for the first time ever, thought only of others? Why does a problem in hand blur the larger picture at a distance? Is not a small lie sometimes more worthy than the biggest truth? Why is my interpretation of ‘wrong’ so different from yours?
Maybe nothing is totally wrong, nothing is totally right. Nothing is totally black and nothing is totally white. It’s all in shades of grey.
But why was her grey perennially eclipsed in an umbra?


Sometimes false colors help. Ask her to wear colored glasses. Because, when you are getting used to taking all the blame and taking it like a sponge, everyone will throw it at you. Roles are seldom reversed.

Blasphemous Aesthete
Kunal said…
There are no absolute rights and wrongs. They are perceptions, mostly and our rights may be different than others. Its better not to over analyze too much...and follow the path which you heart approves. However, sometimes, taking the bitter pill is not always an option...and its better to relieve yourself of the we seldom realize, when the bitter pill has become a slow poison.

Stay Happy
ajay said…
A melancholic, distressed voice. I hope this is fiction.
"Sometimes, the nugatory better is kept in dark, for the fear of darkness it threatens to cast on the substantial." So true.

Even Nature defies the dichotomous classification into black and white, right and wrong, good and evil etc. And we are merely a part of it but equally complex.
Nasnin Nasser said…
The "can'ts" are often mistaken as "won'ts", just like "frankness" is often taken as "arrogance" and "silence" as "reserved". The notion of "wrong" doubles its darkness when the "reason" remain as a "rattle in throat"...!

The last lines are profound. Wonderful choice of words and loved the artistry in your presentations. You write with much depth!

Regards and wishes:-)
Saru Singhal said…
Well, I think keeping quiet is a solution for many problems but you have to be really strong to listen to everything. Your silence is perceived as something else. You are highly misunderstood. And, yes, life is never black and white!

Gitika said…
when we do/say somethin..only we knw y we did/said that...u do somethin whn u knw its right..its white 4 u might be black 4 someone else..thats is whn ur cant becomes wont......

so ask "her" to the thoughts in "her" mind are well expressed ...well written..
A grain of sand said…
@Anshul : true, thanks for the suggestion.

@Kunal : survival of the fittest, thanks :)

@Ajay :so true on your take on nature ; i am assuming you are the same the Ajay of 'Until you came'?

@Nasnin :so true, thanks so much :)

@Saru: yes, it's all grey;thanks :)

@Gitika : :) :), thanks... is tough to ignore when some one says u are wrong...but sometimes ignoring is the best thing...right and wrong is a perception and you cannot be hurt if you learn to's always good to be just what we are....:)
so true its not always black or white ... we all have a shade of grey..

I cant say more on this Been in such situation and told it was all my fault ... so i shall shutup ..

A grain of sand said…
@ SUB: true, its best to be who you are, coz probably its the easiest too.

@Bikram : i think all of us have one vein which throbs in pain..
Anonymous said…
You're right :) I am the same Ajay of Until You Came. That Blogger blog was abandoned when I moved to WordPress but due to Google's ubiquity, my comment was linked to my old blog.
-- said…
You write wonderfully and your choice of vocabulary is unsurpassed :) I am someone who seeks to see the grey in most situations. I think if we all had this ability there would be more understanding in the world which would ultimately lead to more peace :)

I am so honored to be in your blog roll! WoW! This is a first for me and I am beaming as I write this! I thank you from the bottom of my ♥ I'm thrilled to be following your posts now!

Best Wishes to You Always,
PhilO♥ said…
We are often mistaken. Our views are taken in a wrong way.

Well..this is life. Every experience teaches us something new.

We must not give up hope :)

Take Care!
A grain of sand said…
@Ajay : :)

@Fiona : Pleasure is all mine, and thanks so much :)

@Juhi : its hope that keeps us going :)
Life Unordinary said…
work of fiction or borrowed from a personal experience?
A grain of sand said…
amalgamation of the two, but that shouldn't matter!
Purba said…
The girl is sensitive, the girl is principled and articulates her thoughts beautifully.
Zeba said…
So depressingly beautiful. Sigh.
Here's a blog award for you :)
A grain of sand said…
thankyou so much Namrata! this is my first ever blog award :)
mr. michael jackson track black and white could be helpfull..:D kidding
"i am what i am" these are crap used richard feynman...:)
Abhay Patel said…
Nice writing. I really appreciate your work. Thank you for sharing.

Business consultants in Mumbai

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