I, the Narcissist. :D

Passed on by Ajay and Pepper.
It has been in my drafts since long. It is governed by a simple rule: Every phrase needs to be completed with three answers about you. No as simple as you sit down to fill it up. therefore I have omitted some of the phrases here.
I am
·         An epitome of confusion and indecisiveness.
·         A very fair person. Biases and prejudices don’t permeate inside and influence me.
·         A big nautanki (those who know me personally know the innocuous truth behind it). :D
I want
·         To be able to speak up when I feel that insane urge to speak.
·         To live with my parents and my sister just as I did when I went to school. :(
·        To never let any bout of pessimism seep inside me when I am thinking/doing  something worthwhile.
  I have 
·        The strength to pick up my pieces gracefully when clobbered, off course after a brief spell of disenchantment.
·        'the-world-is-under-my-feet feeling' even when the pettiest of my prayers are answered. :D
·         One of the best people around me.

I wish
·         I had taken up literature at graduation level.
·         I was a little more strong-willed.
·         People could overcome their fundamental darkness. Here people also include me.
I hate
·        The idea that I cannot cry, that tears just don’t come out, even if I feel utterly crestfallen.
·         Having to decide what to order in a restaurant.
·         Giving flimsy reasons as an excuse to chicken out of anything.
I fear
·         Loneliness.
·         Public attention. I don’t know how to take it (at all).
·         Meeting with a road accident.
I hear
·         The persistent chatter of my thoughts.
·         The unspoken of people close to me.
·         My conscience all the time.
I search
·         (Am currently) searching for a better roof above my head. :P
·         Frantically for my socks even in the mildest of winters.
·         For the truth.
I regret
·         Wasting time.
·         Being impudent to (a few) people, in a fit of emotion, when I do.
·         Taking decisions in a fit of emotion, that is, when I do.
I love
·        The rain.
·        Having arguments, more so if I win one (for the fun of it, off course).
·       The satiated feeling that comes after writing something worthwhile and close to my heart. (more when I can translate what I feel and what I think into perfect words)
I am not
·         An easy to please person.
·         Good at pleasing people.
·         (at times) As stoic as I may appear to be.

I dance
·         Only in my dance classes.
·         Only in my dance classes.
·         Only in my dance classes.
I sing
·       When I am happy and alone.
·       I used to think I am a very good singer :D; my friends and my sister had a tough time making me     believe the otherwise.
·      I used to sing a lot (in public) when I was small. After that I sang in public once 2 years back upon insistence of a very dear friend.
I never
·         Forget. (I forgive, though).
·         Let it dawn upon the other person that I am sad or bothered.
·         Confide in anyone easily and completely. Something always holds me back.

I rarely
·         Not accept when I am wrong.
·         Work according to my modus operandi.
·         Used to polish my shoes at school. :D
I cry
·       I don’t cry. No matter what may happen. I don’t remember the last time I cried.
·       I cry inside when I feel helpless and angry. (without actual  tears though)
·       When I read a book either on a holocaust or a Khaled Hosseini. Or some other potent heart rending book. (Without actual tears off course: D)

I am not always
·        Rational. I often act on impulse.
·        Ready to see reason behind an argument.
·        Considerate. I can turn as cold as ice at times.
I lose
·         My peace and focus easily.
·         Opportunities that if cashed could have been great investments.
·         My anger (at times). That doesn’t show, though.
I need
·         To anchor myself. I can’t be chronically rudderless.
·         A healing touch when I am bruised (under the guise of someone close).
·         A sense of purpose every day I get up. Even if that purpose is to sleep the whole day.:D
I should
·        Go back to dancing routine again, once my ankle gets better. It’s been around 3 and half months I haven’t danced.
·        Be more CAREFUL! I can still make peace with my carelessness, but others can’t.
·        Learn to sell myself and be more assertive.
I dream
·        Of writing a book.
·        Of travelling to various places and trying all the adventure sports.
·        Of contributing something to the advancement of human knowledge and understanding.


Kunal said…
Hi A grain of sand,

A very honest bunch of phrases about yourself and in this age, where too many of us live in limbo, not knowing about ourselves, and about what we are doing..it is truly refreshing to know someone who knows herself that well...and even if you are confused about many things...at least you know that you are confused ;)

Wish you get all you want and much more... :)
Nasnin Nasser said…
Dear Grain of Sand

What I have just read really touched me...here is someone with a comparatively good knowledge about oneself and some of the things just made me 'still' since I could see myself in it...I want to say more but right now thoughts about my "self" got triggered by your post so I am a bit disturbed (it's a sweet disturbance!)...Wishes!
so..that's you...must say, you are interesting...all the best you your life and, once to be, your book.
Anonymous said…
I thought you only wrote poetry :)

Ditto on literature and tears. One of the best takes on this tag. Loved reading it. And yes, do write your book. I will definitely buy it. :)
A grain of sand said…
@kunal: confusion would stay i guess but thanks for your wishes :)

@Nasnin :),thanks. why don't you try this too so that i get to learn more about you!

@Sub: yes, thats me ! :D thanks for the wishes :)

@ajay : thanks! M glad you liked it :)i occasionaly try my hand at other things too :D. i dont know if it was the best take on those two tags but anyway thanks for wishes...
Purba said…
This is such an interesting tag. And your ankle will get better only when you give it rest. I hope you have ditched your heels.
Anonymous said…
Made an interesting read :)
A grain of sand said…
@Purba : I really hope so, though heels have never been my favourite :)
@Pepper: thanks :)
Quite a post...helps ur readers know so much more about you! Plus its brave to be open...bravo girl :)
Bikram said…
Right now I know a lot about you .. :)

Thanks for visiting me

A grain of sand said…
@sid : its easy to open up before people you don't really know :)

@bikram : you know a lot about me! :D, help me know myself then :D
PhilO♥ said…
I fear loneliness too.
And I dream of writing a book :)
A very honest post :)

Thank you for your comment :)
Glad you liked it :)
Do come by again. Take Care!
Saru Singhal said…
Hey, quite a lot about you in a single post...Interesting post:)
Chintan said…
I would like to stay with folks as well....harsh are the rules of life...parents do so much for you only to let you go when they need you the most!

I wish to take a round trip of world as well :)
A grain of sand said…
@Juhi: my pleasure to visit your blog, thanks :)

@Saru : :)

@Chintan : i so agree with you on this!
Bikram said…
hmm well you are

A very fair person. Biases and prejudices don’t permeate inside and influence you, A big nautanki :)

You love rain(i do too).. and all the rest .. want to know more .. refer to the article :) and read out loud ..

Zeba said…
I like this post. Because it is so honest. And I see a bit of me reflected in it. In some ways humans are so alike..
A grain of sand said…
:)...why don't you try the tag too?
Unknown said…
i love bluntness:)
A grain of sand said…
thanks aaleen , try the tag! :)
Those are some profound answers! I like the way you think, Madame.
And tags usually are insanely boring, this one isn't:)

Why don't you cry though?
Spaceman Spiff said…
I could find so many similarities in this post of yours, to how I am...

You know, even I never used to cry. It just never used to come to me. But the problem with that was, I could never let things go. I would bottle up all the anger and frustration inside me, and then when it becomes unbearable, just lash out too fiercely. I'm trying to work on that now. I have found that crying once in a while helps me let go of things and work on it.. Try it out. :)

I can forgive, but not forget. Every single abusive text that my ex sent me, is etched in my mind's inbox.

Maybe I should take up this tag. :)
A grain of sand said…
@ PeeVee : wish i knew!!!! sigh....thanks for dropping by,though!

@Spacemen : sure take up this tag..and leave your link :)
Rahul said…
now that's a wealth of information..:-)

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